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Beach Tips

10 Jul Chief's Column, GIBP News, On The Beach | Comments Off on Beach Tips
Beach Tips
 

I’ve noticed that many websites have a “helpful tips”, or a “frequently asked questions”. After the busy 4th of July weekend (and all the goofy stuff people ask and do!) my staff and I have compiled a tentative list for our website. Keep in mind that this is a very rough draft and probably needs a bit of polishing. It’s also based on actual events:

  1. Emergency lanes are not for dropping off and picking up all your coolers, BBQ pits, dogs, kids, couches, and other beach necessities.
  2. If you’re dog is off the leash, knocks over a little kid, and urinates on someone’s beach towel, they’re not in the wrong for complaining.
  3. Getting really drunk and almost hitting a child while riding a jet ski does not entitle you to pick a fight with the child’s parents.
  4. Losing your child 3 times in one day means it’s time to re-evaluate something. Maybe your drinking habits?
  5. Losing a 2 year old is not the kid’s fault and he doesn’t need a spanking.
  6. (To a large group of grown men) No sir. The Beach Patrol did not steal your Wiffle Ball bat.
  7. The job description of a lifeguard does not include picking up jellyfish, dead fish, or dirty diapers.
  8. Being a “taxpayer” does not mean you are allowed to drive your vehicle anywhere you want, including areas that other people (who also pay taxes) are not allowed.
  9. While we are happy, when able, to help anyone out however we can, giving your car a boost does not take precedence over responding to a possible drowning call. Even if you threaten to have us fired and even if you do “pay taxes”.
  10. (This one is more of a beauty tip). While sporty and sassy, that yellow bandana tied around your ankle does not hide that court ordered “low jack” ankle bracelet that you’re wearing with your bikini
  11. I’m sorry sir, but the “verbal leash” you have your dog on does not meet the city code.
  12. Saying “I’m not driving in a prohibited area, I’m just dropping off my stuff” does not mean you can blast through all the people on Stewart Beach in your big SUV to drop off your cooler and chairs. You have to use the parking lot just like the other 150,000 people who came to the beach today.
  13. You can’t swim in the “No Swimming” area by the rock groins. Even if you’re a Red Cross pool lifeguard who “swims like a fish”.
  14. When your big, slobbery, off his leash, pit bull is charging a small child, you yelling “he’s friendly” does little to comfort or calm his/her parents.
  15. Yes. You are welcome to fill out a complaint form because you are very angry that the rescue truck doesn’t carry a pump to blow up inflatables, such as your big Shamoo doll.
  16. (My favorite) Happy Birthday! But that doesn’t mean no one can play “chicano music”…..